Tuesday, 2 April 2013

A terrible thing.


I guess a few words need to be said about a terrible thing I saw the other day. It was a car accident where two men were trapped and one lady got out ok. The car was upside down. I saw a lot of blood and people that were very scared. I looked after the lady, her name was Jonti, we had different gods but it didn’t matter. I held her for a long time and told her it would be ok. I promised her because I had seen the guys were breathing and sort of awake. I used my strength as a mummy, I used my strength as a fellow woman, I used my strength as a human who somehow knew how to hold her while the scene unfolded in front of us. Her husband and friend were trapped, the people cut the car apart to get them out. We prayed. She heard me. She screamed, I whispered. God turned up, or perhaps was always there inside us all, providing more proof to me that there is so much drive within each human to survive no matter what we all believe. This woman needed me for that hour and a half it took to get the men out of the wreck. I needed her. I took a beeline for her because there only seemed to be men turning up at the scene. I was in such awe of the paramedics and rescuers. I was so proud of my calm man, keeping everyone talking, checking and cross checking, and remembering all the little details at the end like picking up their bags and things from the wreck. There was so much blood.

Women, at times of extreme stress, need women. Think childbirth, think of the intensity of grief.  She was in such fear. I thought of her mother, I thought of the babies she will have one day. I thanked God her beautiful face hadn’t received any marks when the men had so much blood and cuts. They got them out alive. It was my Easter miracle. Rolling away a stone from a tomb? Survival! Life instead of death!

Did we really have different gods? Or is god inside us all? as the human spirit? as love? Because at the end of each day what matters? It’s the love we have for each other that matters the most. It’s the love in the instant decision I took to love a human being in pain. It’s the love in the everyday where I’m now able to look at my loved one’s face. I work a whole lot now because my kids dad won’t or can’t pay child support money. I work and I finish my degree so hopefully one day I can write for a living. What I really want is this: My babies safe, my beautiful man in my arms and love all around. I have a huge love to give and I’m so grateful that those people who I will never see again will live on. 

Today’s revelation: Love is best. As if that’s a revelation! We all already know this, it’s just a moment to reflect on why.

Sunday, 20 January 2013

A sore throat and Interruptions in life.

Well this one is for Beck really, who asked for a post. I'd really kind of forgotten about this blog thing. It's summer holidays. The holiday's are fun but completely exhausting especially seeing as these kids are constant in their requirements. I'm supposed to be job hunting again. That sounds entertaining. I wonder what will be next for 2013? So far it's fantastic. A person who has loved me his whole life is back and we are in discovery mode. I've been considering sharing things I never tell anyone and I'm revelling in his love. It's fantastic, simple and makes perfect sense. I'm smiling so hard that my cheeks hurt. I'm very hopeful that there isn't a catch. I'm out of my league in attractiveness since he is the most beautiful person I've ever seen. My kids absolutely adore him which is great. I've broken my resolution to not date out of the 25km radius of my home.. I've smashed that resolution out of the ball park. I'm trying very hard to feel brave until he gets here, but I'm confident that I'll still be his when my crazy cat lady years potentially begin.
I have a very sore throat. My sore throat is making me not want to do all the things I should be doing. It's interrupting my productivity. The interruptions are my biggest issues today. This interruption to my children's steady lives (they want it, they've told me, they love the smile on my face) The interruption of my singular existence where I look after me and the kids and no-one needs anything else. It's bizarre, this feeling of completion though, I'm happiest when cooking him a meal or making him coffee. I'm the happiest of happy people, even through a mega sore throat and all the interruptions. I guess after 5 years I'm finally willing to accept interruptions. Only the interruptions from this boy that I loved who has grown up into the man I still love. I've always loved him. It's an easy equation.
Now I just need a new job and to start Uni again. All while I wait until I see him again. I went on the most perfect first date. The very beginning of my walls crumbling. I keep thinking the word "Stay" and that's the most delightful word I can think of for this situation. Just not in regards to the stupid sore throat.
Today's revelation: When the family receives a big bucket of M&M's next time I should just let them scoff them because I wasted time every night counting out 30 each. They were yummy though, thanks Beck xx